I have a vagina. Yep, it's true...approximately 12 times a year my uterus pumps my body with an excessive amount of estrogen that makes me irritable, cranky, and overly emotional all because I am a woman. The question is, however, what does having a second X chromisome mean when it comes to where I fit in society? Aside from the biology, I am a petite brunette with a young face that suggest I am more angelic than I most likely am. I love to cook, clean, shop, sing, play piano, taste wines, travel, decorate, etc., etc., etc. On the other hand, I love sports...I like to play them and watch them and I have a competitive aggressiveness that can get me into trouble. I shoot guns, hunt, play video games, drive fast (and carelessly according to many), fish, and finally...I study law. Law is a man's world and lately I have wondered how I am going to fit into it.
A few weeks ago I competed in what is called Moot Court. My Canadian partner and I did very well finishing in the top four teams and just a few points away from the finals which are argued in front of the North Dakota Supreme Court. It would have been an honor to compete at that final level, but alas we did not survive the semi-finals. I was the only woman in the semi-finals. The year before the competition was won by an all-girl team. Before them, a woman hadn't won in over three years. Now, let me make clear that I am in no way suggesting that I did not make it to the finals b/c of my gender, however, when arguing my way through my rounds I began to feel that maybe I had a larger obstacle to hurdle than many of my male counterparts. My lowest scores were given to me by male judges and conversely my highest by the few female judges. When looking over the judge's comments on my score sheet, I rarely had a suggestions for improvement. I received many high marks and first place rankings, yet also some low ones. But most peculiar of all, I felt that in all honesty, I did better than my my fellow male competitors. I swear, I am not just being over confident or snooty here, I truly believe I was better. Maybe I wasn't WAY better than some, but I was compared to some others and the scores were questionable. Though I scored higher than most of them, it would only be by a point, but when one scored higher than me, it would be by several points, etc. After a couple of days of arguing (competing) and noticing this peculiar phenomenon I put my thoughts to my boyfriend and he said something that made me think. He said, " If I didn't know you, I feel that if you were to tell me something as opposed to K---(my moot court partner), I would be more likely to take him seriously than you." Now, J was not trying to be a jerk, he was being honest and the more I thought about it I realized the same was true for me. When men speak, especially professional men wearing suits, they command attention and exude authority. When I speak I may come off as any number of things but two of the more common are (1) a sweet little girl trying to look professional that you can't help but smile at or (2) a bitch. Sometimes it feels like for a woman to be considered equal to a man, she must be twice as good. Twice as good to be considered his equal! If you are merely "as good" then you are essentially inferior. This scares me as much as it angers me. If this happens even among me and my classmates who are probably some of the least discriminating due to our age, etc., how am I going to make it out there with a majority of older males?
On the other hand, I do realize that being a woman can also be very empowering. I want to discuss this further but as it is very late I will have to save that topic for my next blog...
